Fresh Tweets From the Funny Minds of Twitter (January 4, 2023)

Author image for Ada Elder
Ada Elder
Jan 4, 2023 3:00 PM EST

Greetings, internet explorers and post-appreciators. If you've been avoiding Twitter thanks to Elon Musk, or have never composed a short and sweet tweet simply because you didn't want to, we don't blame you. The ol' bird app can definitely be intimidating. It can also be downright unpleasant if you say the wrong thing or enter the wrong area of the website. With that said, we do enjoy indulging in the witticisms of the people who do the app justice with their wit, wisdom, or even endearing stupidity. This batch of fresh and (mostly) funny Twitter tidbits is a healthy mix of absurd humor, relatable jokes, and even some pretty terrible puns. These bits of comedy are the only thing that makes Twitter even remotely tolerable these days, and we really appreciate the people who share them.


 

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  • 01
    Organism - Meg St-Esprit @MegStEsprit Pittsburgh has a buck on the loose. that somehow has coated his antlers in Christmas decor. The authorities have said he's not in distress so let him carry that energy into 2023 and don't rain on his holiday parade. 8:26 PM 1/1/23 from Bellevue, PA 325K Views 4,696 Likes
    via @MegStEsprit
  • 02
    Organism - Viriconia @Viriconia Year of the Rabbit but it's this rabbit 9:54 AM 1/1/23 108K Views 3,702 Likes CHAMPAGNE CYRILLE BINSF SER RAMPAGNE ...
    via @Viriconia
  • 03
    Font - KIDS Kids Write Jokes WRITE JOKES @KidsWriteJokes what does NASA stand for. not another spaceship aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhh 3:01 PM 1/1/23 .... 414K Views 7,032 Likes
    via @KidsWriteJokes
  • 04
    Gesture - emilio @emilio_oilime it's crazy that this is the guy who decides if restaurants are good 4:55 PM 12/31/22 ... 580K Views 27.5K Likes 2,036 Retweets 90 Quote T
    via @emilio_oilime
  • 05
    Font - Rachel @femaleredhead time to pick out a bottle of wine based on my rigorous process (cutest label at the cheapest price) 5:35 PM 12/29/22 379K Views 16.6K Likes 1,153 Retweets 31 Quote Tw
    via @femaleredhead
  • 06
    Font - alana @slowdaysfast I went to community college and then a cheap state college and used to be insecure about it until I started looking up the syllabi at way more expensive schools 8:01 PM 12/29/22 . 304K Views 4,480 Likes
    via @slowdaysfast
  • 07
    Font - aLec robBins @alecrobbins *entering Hooters with a blindfold on* Just here to use your bathroom 12:21 PM 12/30/22 . 683K Views 19.7K Likes
    via @alecrobbins
  • 08
    Font - the hype THE HYYYYPE @TheHyyyype every michelin star restaurant is called something like "moose & murderer" or "the watchmaker's fetish" and serves 27 courses of anxiety 2:08 PM 12/31/22 37.8K Views 695 Likes 55 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 27 the hype @TheHyyyype · 17h THE HYYYYPE Replying to @TheHyyyype ₁ 1 ... ↑ "welcome to the violinist's despair, here are your tweezers and microscope for our tasting menu" ₁4,052 27 1 80 ↑
    via @TheHyyyype
  • 09
    Font - Tom Kiely P67 @TomKiely_ Emo band lyrics: I'm crashing down, falling apart. You're not here, it still breaks my heart. ... Emo band song title: Maybe The Jet Ski Investments Weren't Such a Great Idea 8:00 AM 12/29/22 834K Views 27.5K Likes 4,956 Retweets 342 Quote
    via @TomKiely_
  • 10
    Font - Racks @FraudActivity_ Grown men doing photo dumps is crazy. Post 1 pic a year like a real man 8:23 AM 12/22/22 4M Views 14.4K Likes
    via @FraudActivity_
  • 11
    Font - costco @costcope Bird flu? Yeah no kidding. That's their whole thing. 6:13 AM 12/31/22 . .... 75.6K Views 3,567 Likes 308 Retweets
    via @costcope
  • 12
    Font - soul nate @MNateShyamalan being in costco is such a disorienting experience like what do you mean this is the cereal/hot tub aisle 6:47 PM 12/30/22 . 868K Views 41.2K Likes 2,291 Retweets 68 Quote Tv
    via @MNateShyamalan
  • 13
    Event - Andrew @kohakudoori THE HARDEST MECHA ANTAGONIST OUTFIT I'VE EVER SEEN HRM Camilla (Parody) @HrmQueene. 2d How far can he go before you're too embarrassed to have him as head of state? comment
    via @kohakudoori
  • 14
    Font - music struggles @musicstruggles1 it's nearly that time camila @Camila Cabello 1/1/19 I haven't showered since last year. 15.7K 180K camila @Camila Cabello - 1/1/14 i haven't showered since last year 3,268 7.467 8,689 55.5K camila @Camila Cabello-1/1/15 I HAVEN'T SHOWERED SINCE LAST YEAR 5,394 114.3K camila @Camila Cabello 1/1/18 guys. I just don't know how to say this. I know it's gonna be a little bit of a shock but I just have to be honest with the world. I 12:14 PM 12/30/22 18.8K haven
    via @musicstruggles1
  • 15
    Food - Oh cool an affront to God Frankford. GUMMIES Kraft Ho Ho Homo Xmas @liturgicalgay 10 Frankford Frankford. Frankford Kraft macaroni & CHeese GUMMIES C gummy candy Artificially Flavored NET WT 5.64 OZ (160g)
    via @liturgicalgay
  • 16
    Font - Sandford Police @Sandford_Police Remember to recycle your pizza boxes It's for the Greta good 9:23 AM 12/31/22 . 4.8M Views 90.5K Likes
    via @Sandford_Police
  • 17
    Font - Patrick Casey @restoreorderusa .. "Denny's is just Waffle House for people who don't know how to fight.” - Friedrich Nietzsche 1:41 PM 12/31/22 50.7K Views 1,297 Likes 181 Retweets 7 Quote Tweet
    via @restoreorderusa
  • 18
    Font - rob @OkButStill dude it's so cool that you're in town. i have 7 minutes between work and a dental appointment if you want to stand inside a parking garage and catch up 7:37 PM 12/31/22 1.1M Views 46.6K Likes
    via @OkButStill
  • 19
    Font - ret @rad_milk ME: do you have any specials today BANK TELLER: i'm sorry how much money did you want to withdraw? ME: what do you recommend BANK TELLER: excuse me? ME: just give me whatever's the most popular amount 2:55 PM 12/30/22 . 33.9K Views 878 Likes 67 Retweets
    via @rad_milk
  • 20
    Font - John Frankensteiner @JFrankensteiner Favorite thing I read this year was a 26 year old Nic Cage interview where he said this PLAYBOY: Your salary is shooting up into the multimillions per movie. Reportedly $4 million to $7 million. Do those numbers make you chuckle? NICOLAS CAGE: I don't chuckle. I have respect for the dollar. 4:55 PM 12/31/22 302K Views 12.6K Likes 692 Retweets 12 Quote Twe
    via @JFrankensteiner
  • 21
    Font - No Cheeses For Us Meeces @Scriblit Benoit Blanc voice: Youah PIZZUH, suh. Your pizzah PROVED you were in that there Romainyuh at the verrah tahm in question! 5:31 PM 12/29/22 ... . 224K Views 6,032 Likes 613 Retweets 12 Quote Twe
    via @Scriblit
  • 22
    Font - derek guy @dieworkwear .. i honestly dont know how rich ppl end up committing crimes. if i had even $500K, i would live so peacefully, mind my own business, wear my little outfits, and just feed birds. 9:24 PM 12/29/22 610K Views 19.7K Likes 1,581 Retweets 130 Quote Tv
    via @dieworkwear
  • 23
    Font - Saskia Daniel @hasenschneck I don't know who needs to hear this but an awful lot of people need to take a pair of scissors to the tacking stitch on the rear vent of their new coat. DOO 11:32 AM 12/28/22 ... 2.5M Views 33.9K Likes 1,839 Retweets 326 Quote
    via @hasenschneck
  • 24
    Font - Cameron Bradford @camerobradford .. I wonder what they do with the blooper reels from really serious movies like Schindler's List or 12 Years a Slave. They must just destroy them immediately 11:28 PM 12/28/22 1.1M Views 33.5K Likes 1,160 Retweets 33 Quote Tw
    via @camerobradford
  • 25
    Font - Mia Nie @girlwithhorn SAMSARA DREAMIN' O... Seinfeld is the best show ever. Nobody wants to work. Nobody has career goals. Nobody wants to start a family. All they wanna do is get laid and hang out with their friends. It's so inspirational. 4:11 PM 1/1/23 . 522K Views 19K Likes
    via @girlwithhorn
  • 26
    Font - Vinod Chhaproo app @Chhapiness Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year 12:08 PM 1/1/23 . .. 20.2K Views 599 Likes
    via @Chhapiness
  • 27
    Font - JOON @thisjoon Asked my mom why i stopped martial arts when i was a kid and she said she saw "a great darkness in my eyes" 7:05 PM 12/31/22 . 11.5M Views 257K Likes
    via @thisjoon

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humor twitter jokes relatable relatable tweets lol tweets funny tweets funny
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